How To Sneeze Pee Like A Lady
Yep, you read that right. Today my friends, I’m going to teach you the fine art known as the Sneeze Pee. Because, let’s face it. Pee Happens. Every time I sneeze, I pee. Hell, every time I cough, I pee. And sometimes, when I laugh… yep. Pee Happens. Remember when I told you all about the birthday party that wasn’t ? The kidney stones from hell when I was stuck on the porcelain throne and all those shenanigans? Go on, read it. I’ll wait. Yes, you can laugh. Turns out, that was just the beginning of my sneeze pee problem.
With aging comes wisdom they say, right? Well what they don’t tell you is that with age comes wrinkles, gray hairs, stray hairs, weird sweaty sessions out of nowhere and the dreaded sneeze pee. Why? Why do we sneeze when we pee you ask? Well, according to Dr. Google, as many as 40% of women have Vaginal or Pelvic Organ Prolapse. Basically, because we pushed a few kids out in our 20’s, now that we are in our 40’s and rockin’ the peri-menopause badge, all our lady bits begin to just fall out. The uterus, the bladder, everything that was once all tight and compact in it’s place now loose-y goose-y. 40% of women are walking around with their va-jay-jay in distress and rarely do we hear anyone talk about it! We have the sneeze pee, the cough pee and just act like it totes fine down there. Seriously ladies. We can say the word vagina. It’s not different than saying toenail. Well, aside from the fact that we file them down, polish them up real pretty after a good soak and massage. But hey, if you do that with your vagina, who am I to judge? I’m here to offer support. Understanding. A few tips and tricks to sneeze pee like a lady.
Step one – admit we have a problem. Do you pee when you sneeze? Yes? See, now that wasn’t so hard, right?
Step two – Cross your legs prior to the cough / sneeze pee, squeeze that vagina as tight as a nut-cracker and hope for the best. That’s what my daughter does too. And she’s only 23!
Step three – Pick yourself up these handy dandy Always Discreet Pads, slap one on the prettiest pair of undies you own and walk out into the world with your head held high. They got ya covered. Literally. You can find them at Target. And, any excuse to shop at Target I’m taking. But that’s just me.
The good news here is that it is normal for those of us with a uterus and vagina (yes, I just find any excuse to use that word) to have this problem. No, it’s not some sort of death sentence. No, it doesn’t automatically mean you have to have a hysterectomy. But Ronni!! I can’t walk around all day with this sneeze pee thing. What if I’m on a date? Or, at the zoo with my kids? You want me to change the baby’s diaper and mine too? No, I want you to make your husband change the baby while you go take care of yourself. There’s a whole line of options to choose from…
In the meantime, you can start by strengthening the pelvic floor muscles. Remember those kegels that we all did as teenagers with our friends at girly late night PJ parties? Laughing, giggling talking about not being one of ‘those’ old ladies who sneeze pee? Well stop laughing and get to squeezing! I’m doing them right now while I type! You are so welcome for that visual. There’s also surgical procedures that don’t involve removing any baby making parts to get things all tightened up and back in place. But, let’s first start with this. Because, I don’t like the idea of a sharp instrument anywhere near my vagina either. (yep, said it again!) And, because I care about your wallet too, when you’re at Target doing the suburban mom thing – Text DISCREET to TARGET (827438) for instant coupons on Always Discreet. (Expires 12/31/14)
What have we learned about how to sneeze pee like a lady? Breathe in. Breathe out. You’re not alone in this, 40% of us are in fact doing it. Cross your legs before the sneeze. Have your discreet handy, because like it or not Pee Happens.
Be amazing! Share this with the women in your lives.
Help a sister out. You are not alone!
I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.