Are You Mom Enough Or Honest Enough Breastfeeding Mom On Time Magazine

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Breastfeeding Mom Time Magazine

Are You Mom Enough Or Honest Enough
Breastfeeding Mom On Time Magazine

I should have probably titled this ‘Attack Of The Attachment Parenting Mom Bloggers’ because if they ever read my dribble, they are likely to jump me in a dark alley. And heck yeah, I waited a good two (3?) weeks to say this. Let the ruckus die down a bit and then stir the pot as I so often do. (pay attention to me me me)

Let me start by saying… I AM NOT AGAINST BREASTFEEDING! I even tried it with my first little crotch monkey. In 1987. When I was 18. It wasn’t a ‘thing’ to be a teenage mom back then let alone whip the boob out (in public!! sshhhh) And there was that whole ‘the kid is going to starve with what I’m making’ going on. Just wasn’t feeling it, ya know? No, this is not about breastfeeding at all. Feed on milkers!

As a psych major, I am all for the attachment theory itself. I firmly believe in a child’s need to form healthy, lasting attachments for socio-emotional development and well-being. I have a 5 year old grandson over here who suffers from a wealth of issues because mommy AND daddy were absent and left him on our doorstep. Story for another day.

What I want to know is this. For the love of Jose Quervo, why would you want your 3 year old still latched on? He has teeth! Those things hurt! Do you send him off to play dates and come in right before cookie time? How does that work?

Also! (here’s where the going get tough or the tough get going)

Co-sleeping. I mean COME ON! I just can not understand why anyone would want the karate kid busting out at you in the middle of the night!?!? Because of the slightly touched upon crap parents Ethan has, he’s scared to death to sleep alone and usually ends up in our bed at some point. When Grandpa’s away at work, I fully admit to caving and just letting him crawl in my bed. It’s way easier than the back and forth to your own bed dance. We chit-chat, he tells me his secrets…. even twirls my hair until he’s asleep. Sweet, right? Hell no! That sweet talking, hair twirler breaks out his best kung-fu skills and practices on my face, ribs and back All.Night.Long. We play Fight Club Twister with just the three of us. How does that work out for you when you have more than one small fry? OH! Right. The first rule of fight club is don’t talk about fight club. It doesn’t work out for you. You get up and drag off to the couch with a blankie trailing behind you looking  like Linus from an old Charlie Brown cartoon. Mom enough or honest enough?

Baby Wearing. Really? Really?? I’ll give you a freebie. Newborns smell awesome! I could hold them all day. But a 6 month old who just crapped right through that cloth diaper and it’s now running down his leg and your tummy? No thanks. How much Advil do you pop to stop that back from aching? Have you become all suburban and switched to Vicodin by the time that sweet smelling newborn is now a 25lb 11 month old kicking and screaming to get the heck down and crawl? What do you do if you have twins? Double kangaroo-pack thingys? One for the front guy and one for the poor kid who’s going to be looking at your sweaty neck all day? Because, let’s face it, it must be hot as  watching my beloved Tim McGraw dance on a waffle iron wearing those kids! (story for another day) And how do YOU poop? Do you do some sort of circus clown juggling type act? If yes, don’t tell me what happens when it’s time to wipe. There’s going to come a day when you have 4 kids and all their friends piled in the bathroom asking for snacks while you’re sitting on the crapper. Yes, that totally happened. Why push it? Enjoy your alone time! Just thinking about having someone attached to me All.Day.Long makes me a little twitchy. STOP TOUCHING ME!!! That’s not something you can really say to 4 kids after all those years of having them hang on you because YOU wanted them to now is it? Trust me, you will want to say that. A Lot!  Don’t think you won’t want to crawl out the fire escape and run away to find your happily ever after that somehow became a butt wiping, sweaty, karate chopping filled life with some puke on the side. Still sound like such a  romantic idealized agenda you want to participate in? Me either. Mom enough or honest enough?

Here’s how our life went… kinda. Maybe. OK, it did… don’t judge.

Sometimes, my kids made me so crazy I wanted to toss them out with the trash. Instead. I locked all 4 outside in the middle of a hot summer day once while they were playing. We lived in Arizona. The desert. 120*. What? The hose was right there. They sat on the porch looking at me from the sliding glass doors threatening to run away to wherever ‘CPS’ lived and tell on me. Then they sang ‘On The Road Again’ Over and Over. Laughing. I caved and let them in to shut them up.

When they spend 25 minutes naked in the shower square dancing, singing Old Dan Tucker and watching themselves in the mirror; I secretly hoped they’d fall. Just so they would get a mild concussion and forget the words to that song.

Our youngest son’s two favorite songs used to be Happy girl (Martina McBride) and I Love This Bar (Toby Keith) He sang them in the grocery store check-out line. People thought we were freaks. I bought him candy one day if he would be quiet. When we got to the car, I ate it. I deserved it.

When they were in middle school I enjoyed shouting across an aisle or two if they had enough condoms. My daughters ducked and hid when I yelled if their tampon supply had run low and if XXX super absorbency was still OK.

Take THAT breastfeeding mom on Time magazine cover!

Comments

  1. Sometimes…you just gotta say what we’re thinkin’… Dang you, G’ma!!! I never thought I would cosleep and I didn’t until he was about 2 yrs old, but sometimes it’s more that he keeps Hubby away from me (shhh…I didn’t say that!!).

  2. Babywearing, cloth-diapering, breastfeeding attachment parent here – and your post had me laughing so hard I nearly pee’d myself! ♥

  3. Where should I start? I breastfed my oldest until she was 21 months old and broke her leg. She was in traction and if I laid on the bed to nurse her I threw the traction weight off. We weaned really fast. She had teeth and did not bite, it was more about comfort than anything else.

    I hated having my kids sleep with me. How does such a tiny little being take up a whole damn king size bed?

    I wore my son everywhere. He was very sick as a baby and wearing him was the only way to keep him calm. I have a picture of me wearing him with napkin on his head while I am eating. Bathroom trips are a matter of balance.

    I think attachment parenting is all about what you are comfortable with. There is no right or wrong.

  4. alright, “I am pretty sure it’s illegal to read your posts because I just SNORTED. I haven’t snorted in years. You are hilarious with a capital HI, and I am pretty positive you aren’t joking :). Anyways, I love my darlings, I dream of attachment parenting and nursing, but it just doesn’t work well for me. I cuddle, I hug, I kiss, I love. I ain’t walking around with a 3 year old latched on my darned boob. period. I feel guilty thanks to so much media about it all, but darn it, my four rug rats have it really great. I say keep on saying what we all want to say. My mother would love you.

  5. I’m with Shai I totally snickered even though I’m a breastfeeding, baby wearing, cloth diapering co-sleeping mama. Although, it took me 4 kids to do all of this ;). And my youngest is about 16 months and stopped breastfeeding (on her own mind you) 2 1/2 months ago. I wasn’t a constant baby wearer. Mostly when we went out because it was better than a double stroller or trying to carry one of those infant seats with my pokey 3 year old walking beside me. Those infant seats are heavy. And cloth diapering has actually been less leaks for me than disposable diapers were. And co-sleeping lasted until breastfeeding ended because I’m lazy and didn’t want to have to get up to feed her at night, lol. Once she was done breastfeeding into her own bed she went. To Time magazine I say to each their own and the fact that people got in a tizzy over it just shows how well the editors knew the public. Shock value will get you every time, right?

  6. Love this post. I agree with so many points. I never thought I would co-sleep ever, but I ended up co-sleeping for about 9 months with my last, for the love of sleep. I would have done anything just to get some sleep. But once she started getting wiggily and moving off to her bed she went.

  7. For the love of Jose Quervo, I can’t read your posts when I’m eating! OMGosh, I did laugh out loud and almost choked!

  8. haha what a funny post! i breast feed my daughter for 12 months and was done after that, she started to get teeth and yes it hurt at that point. My husbands mom however feed her daughter until 4 and i couldn’t believe it i mean she was talking and had teeth talk about akward. I admit my daughter now 4 still sleeps in my bed but only because its a King bed and my husband is on deployment. It is easier for me because her room is on the opposite end of the house and i worry about her.

  9. All for it but if a kid can ask for it then he’s too old. There are many other ways to bond with a child.

    I nursed both my kids for about 8 months and they both weaned themselves (sad day).

    But my entire family is extremely close because of other things we did when they were little.

  10. Have to agree to disagree on this one. I kinda feel like it matters why parents make the choices they do. I wore my youngest until she was about 18 months. It was more for my benefit than hers. So I could get things done. As for co-sleeping, for my benefit again nothing better than learning to nurse in your sleep. As far as nursing until she was three, we nursed until I was absolutely done with sharing my body with her. Because of all of that we have a really close relationship, it worked for us, but you are right it’s not for everyone.

  11. Ever entertaining point of view, Ronni. Love it! Was laughing with you on the issues described. It’s not about breast feeding or not; co-sleeping or not (on the part of the magazine, not women). And we know it. I support all the women who do what they do with their kids to get them the “nurturing” effect they need.
    There are some exceptional cases when a 6-year-old kid still breast feeding – aaahhh, that’s too much in my humble opinion.
    Thank you for your point of view.

  12. OMG…I’m trying not to wake up my co-sleepers by laughing too hard! I can’t get my 8 and 6 year old out of my bed! they took binkies until 2 years ago…i’m not kidding. sometimes I wonder if they really are my kids! but seriously, though they are super karate champs in bed, I still miss them when they are not here and I know in 10 years, they will be SO over sleeping with me. And, then I’ll be begging my twins to come sleep in my bed!

  13. Lol I so love reading your posts and thoughts !! Great post yet again x

  14. This has got to be the BEST post I’ve read in a LONG time, I was cracking up and giving you imaginary high fives through the computer screen too! I loved it and I agree with so much of what you said. I am all for breastfeeding but at that age it’s time to pump and put it in a sippy cup and let your child drink it that way. I never allowed co-sleeping for those very reasons on the odd night one crept into my bed I woke up a monster ready to bite someone’s head off cause I didn’t sleep good :(

  15. I am an attachment parent. I sling my babies, co-sleep, nurse my 3 year olds, etc! I don’t judge those that give bottles, keep there kids in strollers or car seats all day, or put there babies in a crib to cry all night. So why judge those of us to choose to do it differently?

    • Grandma Juice says:

      Oh Wendy….
      I am so sorry if your read me wrong!! I am not judging you at all!! I salute you for doing what is best for you, your kids and what works in your family.
      The Time article stirred ‘Mommy Wars’… I’m sure if you read it, you caught hot they tweaked in such a way as to draw a line in the sand and only those standing on 1 side were’good moms’…
      My posting was to say I’m honest enough to admit… I can’t do all that… I don’t want to do all that. But I don’t feel it makes me any ‘less’ of a good mom either. 4 grown kids, no one’s in jail or smokin crack = WIN ;)
      I wanted to get people to laugh at the issue they made of ‘mommy wars’… why should 1 style be better? It shouldn’t. Every family should do what’s right for them, their children and life-style. Shame on Time magazine for pitting moms against each other and making 1 side feel ‘less’… it’s a silly thing to even consider. ‘Mommying’… it’s hard work no matter which style you choose.
      I gave my ‘style’ (or lack of?) to say it’s OK for us too. The ones who don’t co-sleep… cloth diaper… etc.
      I am so sorry you read something different…
      I do think putting a small fry to sleep in a crib while screaming all night long isn’t the greatest thing either… but I’m not enjoying the 5 year old karate kid I have over here…
      I laid out what we do. Time views this as ‘faults’ and was hoping to get both sides to laugh…
      POWER TO THE MAMAS for coming together and saying NO to MOMMY WARS!

  16. Oh wow, haha! I love reading your point of view!!

  17. You are HILARIOUS!!! I totally agree!

  18. So funny! I too have four kids and stopped after a year of nursing each, and worked hard to get them all sleeping in their beds every night so that we could finally have full nights of sleep to ourselves. That said, as moms we know that it has to be to each his own, motherhood is hard enough to navigate without the peanut gallery criticizing our parenting decisions. I say whatever works!

  19. I don’t need go public with what I do with my kids. My personal opinion about breastfeeding is that it shouldn’t be happening at 6 or 7 or 8 years-old age. That’s for sure.
    But I am for breastfeeding the babies til their growing biological bodies truly need it. But not at “ripe” age of 8 (I hope I really exaggerated here!)

  20. Great post. We made it to a year and then G self weaned. :)

  21. I think to each their own on this topic!!! I would find it strange if they were doing it in public, but again I guess they can do as they wish.

  22. Love your humorous and upfront take on issues that can be downright controversial. Your way, my way, their way – as long as it’s not child abuse and your child is receiving the love, care and nurturing they need – it’s all AOKAY in my book. The Time article definitely was written in a way to cause tempers to flare but that’s what sells magazine subscriptions and brings attention to a cause, right?

  23. Oh Grandma! YOu definitely have an interesting (and funny!) take on things. I completely value your opinion and the fact that I (think) you are open to each their own. Its amazing what as a singleton I never thought I’d do that I now do as a mother. Thanks for the laugh :)

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