Why Have Kids? The Truth About Parenting & Happiness
Babies are really great. They are cute. They smell fantastic, don’t they? If children stayed so small forever, I would have had a dozen. The truth is however, they don’t. And as they grow, they demand our time, attention and emotions. The reality of having children is way different than the fairy tale, perfect lives shown on Leave It To Beaver & The Cosby Show & The Brady bunch. Very different, indeed. So, why have kids?
I think it’s a terrific question that is rarely even asked let alone answered. When every decision we make post-baby causes us to second guess our intelligence, self confidence and all around insanity – Why Have Kids? Do we breastfeed? Should we go back to work at some point? What about cloth diapers VS disposable ones? And, what the heck do I do to get this baby to just stop crying and go to sleep already? If I move this tiny leg this way to make it fit in that cute little outfit, will I break it? How’s that for a guilt trip. And these are things you wrestle with all before those dreaded ’teenage angst’ years even start!
As someone in the position to look back on my now adult children and wonder ‘what would I do different’, I’ll simply say that I have a laundry list of changes that could or should have been made. Sure, there’s some guilt going on with a few less than stellar parenting moments. What’s that saying? “If I only knew then what I know now….” We had some really awesome times, just like you see on those picture perfect Christmas cards. But we also had some bubble bursting lows. The kind of lows no one warns you about when those demon spawn of yours are still sweet, smelling wee ones. So, why have kids?
Why Have Kids? A New Mom Explores The Truth About Parenting & Happiness
By Jessica Valenti
In her latest book, Jessica Valenti sets the stage for an honest and controversial conversation about modern day parenthood. Employing on-the-ground reporting, scientific studies, and her own take on motherhood, Valenti gives us an in-depth look at the ‘other side’ of parenthood. Going way beyond the over done ‘mommy war’ topics and straight into the nitty, gritty - joy, guilt, and exhaustion.
“The truth about parenting is that the reality of our lives needs to be enough. Seeking out an ideal that most of us can never reach is making us, and our kids, miserable.” The pursuit of perfection in pregnancy and parenting is giving American mothers a guilt complex and taking the joy out of parenthood. Valenti reveals the disconnect between parents’ hopes and the day-to-day reality of raising children and argues that while debating whether or not to breastfeed means we care about parenting, we really should really focus on raising our childrenas a community exercise. Forming communities of action rather than communities of judgment will help mothers and parents support each other”
Why Have Kids? takes on all the tough and often over looked questions that all parents (and parents to be) should be adding to their ‘must discuss’ list of topics. The book is described as “brutally honest and refreshingly insightful” Valenti also offers real life solutions to social and political issues that can once again bring joy back to parenting.
I’m thinking if you’re looking for a reality based alternative to those ‘Chicken Soup for The Soul’ feel good reads, this is probably exactly what you should be reading.
Jessica Valenti is the author of three previous books, including The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women. She resides in Boston, but her heart belongs to New York.
Follow Jessica Valenti on Twitter
This review was made possible by Mom Spark Media. Thoughts are my own. I received a copy of Why Have Kids? and compensation for my time investment and work on this campaign.
Those are some awesome questions. I can’t answer. But if I could go back there is a slew of shit I would have done differently!
There are so many questions a person should ask and answer prior to becoming a parent. This is a very necessary dialogue. The biggest question ever should be whether you are having children because of what you think you can give to a new life or because of what you think a new life can add to your already existing world. The answer to that will tell you whether you are ready.
I think that’s why I ended up with 4 kids. I gotta get it right at some point, right, lol? Seriously I have changed so many things if you look at the way I parent my oldest vs my youngest it’s like night and day. And don’t get me wrong, my oldest is a great kid, but man was I uptight and quite the know it all too, lol. Anyways, I think I’ve got the parenting babies down pretty good now, it’s just after they are babies I’m still trying to figure out
. Sounds like this book might help get through the rest of the muckity muck of parenting.
This sounds like a very interesting book and I have a friend in mind who should read it! Thanks so much
No kids for me yet but the fur babies already cause me enough stress. JR was very sick early this week and this past weekend. OMG, it was hell!
This sounds like a great book! I have 2 kids but am etching for the third. My husband tells me that it will be hard with another but I truly believe I am meant to have another one.
What an interesting idea for a book! Probably one should read even before you marry someone to make sure you are on the same page about kids!
I can think of gazillion reasons why I’m thankful I have kids…not just 1 kid. Sounds like this will make a lot of parents re-look and re-visit why it’s such a blessing to be called Mommy!
My kids changed my life for the better. They have given me motivation to be a better person, mom, daughter, sister, wife, student etc.
Wow, this sounds like a very interesting book. Looking back at the early years I’m sure there are ALOT of things that I would have don differently.
My daughter was unplanned but i couldn’t be more happy and grateful to have her in my life
I am a 21 year old engaged to be married to my best friend of 5 years. Like so many other teens, I used to think I didn’t want children. Man, times have changed (I’m one of five); we want to start our family in a few years and I can’t believe how hard it is to wait. I don’t think anyone really regrets children. My godson (who my aunt tried for for over twenty years) is such a blessing and makes my life so much more full. I can’t even imagine how my fiance and I will feel about our own children.
I like that you said brutal, it is brutal. It’s hard to admit, it is what it is, and Im a great parent for it. Period. I feel like the harder I try to fit into a great mother category the more I fail, but when I sit back and just enjoy the moment, take it for what it is, I feel much better and really do think Im a better parent for it.
I never want to have kids! Maybe this book could change my mind haha