I Need A Cheap Lawyer And, I Got A Lhasa Apso Dog. Totally Related.
I need a cheap lawyer. I’m probably getting divorced. By morning, when Grandpa comes home from his 72 hour shift saving lives at the fire department, he’s either going to kill me or divorce me. I’ll know for sure then. But if I lived in Vegas, I’d put $100 on red. Wait, I do live in Vegas. It’s a good bet!
Let’s back the truck up for a second. Remember when I told you we had to put my beautiful, sweet Jaden (1st and best service dog ever) down last month after having her for nearly 15 years? Well, we were quite poopy as you can expect. But what I didn’t quite expect was that Harris (2nd best service dog ever) would stay poopy. Like, a big poopy depression commercial right in my family room. Only for dogs. Not people laying on the couch in their jammies. He doesn’t wear jammies. (You people really must stop the madness that is dressing up your animals. They look redonkulous. And will eventually get depressed. And you will call me and say I need a cheap lawyer, too. If they don’t sue you for public humiliation, I will)
We tried everything. New toys, extra fun exercise, begging, pleading… Have you ever begged a dog to stop being poopy?
Me – Harris, we all miss Jaden, she was awesome. But this is the circle of life. She would want us to move on. Be happy. Chase tennis balls. Not lay around in hypothetical jammies and be depressed all day.
Harris – Well, you don’t chase tennis balls. And, you do lay around in jammies all day. You told me clothes are bullshit. And if you can, I can. Just be glad I’m only acting poopy all over the house and not actually pooping all over the house. Because that’s a whole bunch of poopy going on and I may be depressed but I can’t lose my job.
Me – Harris, let’s talk about this. I want to help you. What can we do to help you?
Harris – I want a pony.
Me – You can’t have a pony. We have no place to put it. And, have you seen their poopy mess?? I’m not cleaning that. No. How about a nice new squeaky toy?
Harris – Ok then. I want a puppy. I need a friend who speaks my language. You’re great and all. I love working with ya. You give good belly rubs and can throw a tennis ball like a pro. But let’s face it. You don’t let me smell your butt. You don’t roll in the dirt with me. It’s just not the same. I. WANT. A. PUPPY!
Me – ….. crickets …..
So, after 2 months of watch poopy dog mope around the house, I broke down. I looked on Craigslist. And don’t go sending hate mail about ‘backyard’ breeders and going to the pound and bla bla bla. I know this. But, because Harris is a service dog, I have to know the who’s, what’s, where’s about a new dog and it’s owners. So, I get a pass. Otherwise, you should totally get a rescue and never go to a pet store. Besides, the dog that’s causing the whole ‘I need a cheap lawyer’ thing was going to the pound the next day if I didn’t take him. So, it worked out.
Except for me. Because while Harris is all happy now. Grandpa is kinda pissed. Another dog means more vet bills. Another dog means more dog food. And poop. 2 dogs pooping in the yard he has to clean up. And, of course the Lhasa Apso I got doesn’t look like that one ^^ up there. He looks like this.
Messy Lhasa Apso dog also needs to go to the groomer. And a good diet.
And I need a cheap lawyer. But I scored a super sweet mop!