How To Sneeze Pee Like A Lady

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How To Sneeze Pee Like A Lady

Yep, you read that right. Today my friends, I’m going to teach you the fine art known as the Sneeze Pee. Because, let’s face it. Pee Happens. Every time I sneeze, I pee. Hell, every time I cough, I pee. And sometimes, when I laugh… yep. Pee Happens. Remember when I told you all about the birthday party that wasn’t ? The kidney stones from hell when I was stuck on the porcelain throne and all those shenanigans? Go on, read it. I’ll wait. Yes, you can laugh. Turns out, that was just the beginning of my sneeze pee problem.

perimenopause

With aging comes wisdom they say, right? Well what they don’t tell you is that with age comes wrinkles, gray hairs, stray hairs, weird sweaty sessions out of nowhere and the dreaded sneeze pee. Why? Why do we sneeze when we pee you ask? Well, according to Dr. Google, as many as 40% of women have Vaginal or Pelvic Organ Prolapse. Basically, because we pushed a few kids out in our 20’s, now that we are in our 40’s and rockin’ the peri-menopause badge, all our lady bits begin to just fall out. The uterus, the bladder, everything that was once all tight and compact in it’s place now loose-y goose-y.  40% of women are walking around with their va-jay-jay in distress and rarely do we hear anyone talk about it! We have the sneeze pee, the cough pee and just act like it totes fine down there. Seriously ladies. We can say the word vagina. It’s not different than saying toenail. Well, aside from the fact that we file them down, polish them up real pretty after a good soak and massage. But hey, if you do that with your vagina, who am I to judge? I’m here to offer support. Understanding. A few tips and tricks to sneeze pee like a lady. 

Sneeze Pee Like A Lady

Step one – admit we have a problem. Do you pee when you sneeze? Yes? See, now that wasn’t so hard, right?

Step two – Cross your legs prior to the cough / sneeze pee, squeeze that vagina as tight as a nut-cracker and hope for the best. That’s what my daughter does too. And she’s only 23!

Step three – Pick yourself up these handy dandy Always Discreet Pads, slap one on the prettiest pair of undies you own and walk out into the world with your head held high. They got ya covered. Literally. You can find them at Target. And, any excuse to shop at Target I’m taking. But that’s just me.

The good news here is that it is normal for those of us with a uterus and vagina (yes, I just find any excuse to use that word) to have this problem. No, it’s not some sort of death sentence. No, it doesn’t automatically mean you have to have a hysterectomy. But Ronni!! I can’t walk around all day with this sneeze pee thing. What if I’m on a date? Or, at the zoo with my kids? You want me to change the baby’s diaper and mine too? No, I want you to make your husband change the baby while you go take care of yourself. There’s a whole line of options to choose from…

sneeze pee bladder control

In the meantime, you can start by strengthening the pelvic floor muscles. Remember those kegels that we all did as teenagers with our friends at girly late night PJ parties? Laughing, giggling talking about not being one of ‘those’ old ladies who sneeze pee? Well stop laughing and get to squeezing! I’m doing them right now while I type! You are so welcome for that visual. There’s also surgical procedures that don’t involve removing any baby making parts to get things all tightened up and back in place. But, let’s first start with this. Because, I don’t like the idea of a sharp instrument anywhere near my vagina either. (yep, said it again!) And, because I care about your wallet too, when you’re at Target doing the suburban mom thing – Text DISCREET to TARGET (827438) for instant coupons on Always Discreet. (Expires 12/31/14)

What have we learned about how to sneeze pee like a lady? Breathe in. Breathe out. You’re not alone in this, 40% of us are in fact doing it. Cross your legs before the sneeze. Have your discreet handy, because like it or not Pee Happens.

Be amazing! Share this with the women in your lives.
Help a sister out. You are not alone!

 

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

Comments

  1. Robin (Masshole Mommy) says:

    I do not pee when I sneeze, but there are some ladies in my zumba class that pee when they jump……

    • Oh, zumba class is the worst for peeing because there is so much jumping. After having my son, I haven’t stood a chance against zumba for that reason.

  2. Ha! Love this, hilarious …. but sadly so true! Sharing with some friends, we always joke about this. Happy there’s something that works in our favour though!

    • Robin (Masshole Mommy) says:

      It really is true in so many cases. I hear it from the ladies at the gym all the time.

  3. I didn’t have this problem until I had my two boys. Now, I think I’ve begun perfecting the sneeze pee!

  4. This is so funny! It’s a good thing these are located near the allergy section of corner stores.

  5. LOL, I love this!! After two kids, I think I’ve perfected this sneeze. Oh boy, how life changes.

  6. Awesome post! LOVE how you listed the 7 Dwarfs of menopause…I could dub it as the 7 Dwarfs of Periods too!

  7. I don’t sneeze pee yet, but I have several friends that do. I like the 7 dwarfs of menopause.

  8. Bwahahaha. You have to laugh about it or you’ll cry. I always cross my legs before the sneeze. It’s a good idea to do it before you cough, as well.

  9. Luckily I don’t have this issue yet, but I love your sense of humor about it. The Always pads really are so discreet!

  10. This does happen. Awesome post. Funny but true.

  11. Haha, love your openness. I like your tips of crossing your legs before sneezing!

  12. I love this post. We should all be more open about this. It’s something that happens to a lot of women, whether it’s from child birth or just aging.

  13. I love the dwarves! 🙂 I am so glad they’re making uber thin products. I HATE feeling like I’m wearing a diaper. 🙁

  14. Apparently – or unfortunately? – I’m one of the 40%. Since having my second child my bladder just decided, “Eh…why try anymore?” Sneezes are my worst enemy!

  15. Oh, the darn sneeze pee…hate that! My daughter laughs at me because I have to stop and cross my legs if I feel a sneeze coming on.lol.

  16. I had this issue while pregnant, I think most did and it wasn’t too pleasant. Glad there’s ways around it and discretely!

  17. So lucky to have a strong bladder after 3 kids. I will say that i cant hold my bladder long though.

  18. I hate the sneeze pees and the laugh pees. Always catching me off guard.

  19. You are hilarious. I do not polish my vagina, but I’m glad to know you won’t judge me if I do. =D

  20. I sent my mom the free sample I got. I know she needs them but she won’t yet admit it out loud. 😉

  21. VAGINA.

    I just had to read this for the title, haha. I used to pee when I sneezed (admitting it!) but I saw an arvigo abdominal massage therapist who taught me how to massage my uterus – YEA! And move that baby back into place = higher up, off my bladder. She’s a uterus whisperer.

  22. ascendingbutterfly says:

    I don’t have this issue but this has to be the best of the sponsored posts I’ve read for this campaign by far, thanks for the laughs! 🙂

    Tracy @ Ascending Butterfly

  23. This is a great post. I do not pee when i sneeze. I have had a problem when i get a bad cold and i end up coughing so hard i pee a little.

  24. Ha! I am totally one of those who has to hold myself when I sneeze. After three almost ten pound babies, nothing seems to stay when I sneeze. HA!

  25. This post tickled me but I understand this is a silent real issue for women and I am glad you can give some comic relief options for solutions. My mom says she suffers from this too!

  26. I love the Dwarfs! lol… I haven’t experience pee’ing while sneezing yet, but I do know life has change in the accidental leakage department, especially since my 3rd trimester of pregnancy. :/

  27. The Dwarfs are funny! I think many women experience this, especially after childbirth. I am glad there are discreet options for them.

  28. LOL you are hilarious! This is a major problem for me, after having 5 children my body is not the same.

  29. My daughter says these dwarfs describe me perfectly LOL! Also, the more discreet, the better!

  30. You know, I never thought of it before, but maybe this is why we were taught to cross our legs. Practice for later…

  31. Lol, very creative! This is very funny, and helpful!

  32. Ah, the fun that happens as we age, right? Tight as a nut cracker cracked me up.

  33. Oh my goodness this post had me rolling! Too funny! Having babies will do that to you!

  34. I love the way you talk! This is such a fun and honest post about something we women deal with! Too fun!

  35. I’ve never been able to have children due to PCOS and fibroids. However, I still have problems with pee and have had that problem for a few years now. Your post cracked me up!

  36. LOL! Love that you brought humour to a touchy subject!

  37. The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause is cute. Sad part is I am sure some days I am all seven! LOL

  38. I like the phrase “sneeze pee”. It’s true and happens to so many of us.

  39. I don’t pee when I sneeze, or laugh, or cough… but I too know people in zumba and who have done weight loss programs that have had a difficult time with jumping. They joys of parenthood – right?

  40. I am happy that I don’t pee when I sneeze. But I am glad there is something that helps

  41. LOL! Very funny! Oh the joys of having kids. Sneeze pee is one of those side effects no one tells you about.

  42. Love the title! Lol I sometimes pee when coughing too much. Argh !

  43. There are times when I cough and I pee.. Sucks.. but it’s part of being a lady with babies.. I need to do my keegles..

  44. I am so glad this isn’t an issue for me. Yet.

  45. I haven’t had that issue yet. But so grateful for the products to help

  46. It’s nice to know there are products you can trust. The things we put up with by giving birth 🙂 All worth it.

  47. savoryexperiments says:

    This whole post made me giggle. How many things are there that every woman experiences but was never talk about??

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