How To: Pretend You’re Cleaning & Make It Look Good

My How To Guide

Pretend You’re Cleaning And Make It Look Good

If you’re anything like me, you’d rather work on evening out the grooves in your couch while watching bad Reality TV than do housework. What? It’s good exercise for your butt, right? Grandpa Juice and I usually distribute housework very evenly. <I’m really trying to say this without laughing> Meaning, I scrub the toilets and throw the laundry in and he does… well, the rest of course. That’s even Steven to me. While I’m flattening the couch, my inner Martha Stewart goes *TSK *TSK and my grandmother’s voice is screaming in my head “Will you just LOOK at those dishes at least?” No. No, I won’t.

Just recently, I learned that I didn’t ACTUALLY have to clean the house. I could pretend I’m cleaning as long as I could make it look good! I know!! It was an amazing discovery! I can now do all the napping, lounging and shopping online I want all day and still have Grandpa Juice think I’m just the bestest wifey ever! I have come up with a fail proof plan and I’m going to share it with all of you, my favorite Juicers.

How To Pretend You’re Cleaning And Make It Look Good – by Grandma Juice

Step 1: Consolidate The Laundry – Let’s say for example, you have two baskets of clean laundry waiting to be folded. Simply squish them all into one basket! See? Now you have only one basket left to do.

Step 2: Wet Paper Towel Bathroom Cleaning – Cleaning the bathroom is THE worst job EVER. Since this is actually my job, I can say this with authority. It sucks! Now, it sucks less. First you push all products to one side of the counter. Quickly, run a wet paper towel down the other side. Then repeat the quick swipe with wet paper towel on the toilet. TADA! *Reminder – it doesn’t have to BE clean, it needs to LOOK clean.

Step 3: Consolidate The Dishes – This is probably the easiest step! If your kitchen counter is strewn with nearly every dish, pot, pan and glass in the house. STACK THEM UP! Instant de-clutter of counters. Kitchen much more spiffy.

Step 4: Consolidate The Clutter – Now that you have that one empty laundry basket, take a quick trip through the living room, den and maybe one bedroom. Pick up random toys, a few socks, the empty Cheetos bag you had for lunch, and don’t forget that ugly holey shirt your husband refuses to throw away. Place them in the empty basket. Shove the basket into the back of your closet. SEE!! Clutter free.

Step 5: Swiff Clean The Kitchen Floor – Wearing only a sock, take a good swiff around the kitchen floor collecting as many crumbs and dropped Cheetos from your lunch as you can. Push it under the fridge. Dust the remaining crumbles off your sock and onto the floor and sweep those under the fridge with you hand. You can’t lay back on the couch with crumblies on your sock. It’s bad form.

That concludes Grandma Juice’s lesson for the day on How To Pretend You’re Cleaning And make It Look Good.

*PS: – If you’d like to earn brownie points, you can try this. If any small children are home, have them watch at the window for your spouse to pull up. Quickly run to the kitchen and pretend that you’ve just started cooking dinner. It will make you look even more productive. And, since said spouse hates your cooking, they will likely take over anyways.

**PPS: – Shut up Martha Stewart.

**PPPS: – Sorry Grandma.

Do you have any ‘How To Pretend You’re Cleaning’ tips? I’m all ears!


  1. Brianna Dale says

    I hate cleaning and love this post! Thank you!!

  2. I absolutely LOVE this post LOL. I need to show hubby this. I’ve been the “housewife” since ’06 and have worked here and there in addition to maintaining the household chores, hopefully he can start helping me a bit soon! Thanks for the great post. It really made me laugh a bit. “Cleaning the bathroom SUCKS! Now it sucks less..” LOL Love it!

  3. I do so love this post! I know I’ve had those days!!! Thank you for sharing! 🙂

  4. Alisha Kostiuk says

    I love this post! I may have to try some of these lol. With three kids I feel like all I ever do is clean. I bleach the bathroom everyday because I have two little boys that I am pretty sure aim at the floor and the wall instead of the toilet! So after bleaching the bathroom it just seem fit to go ahead and do the kitchen to taking up most of my day, when I would much rather be sitting on the couch with a blankie watching some Kardashians lol

  5. You are my new best friend! Will you come over and help me not clean my house?

  6. Haha! I love this post! I think I might incorporate some of your suggestions into my daily routine….

  7. That’s my type of cleaning 🙂

  8. Ha!hahaha! I love your sense of humor but you know what? You got a point here! And this is pretty much me too!

  9. JAHAJAHA (Spanglish laugh) JU SO FONII !!!

    1- A pic quoting my role model Erma Bombeck. (Combine her w/Charo y Maxine and you’ll have an idea of who I want to be when I grow up)
    2- A post that would do her proud.
    3-A battle plan that even Gen. MacArthur couldn’t improve on.

    All this making me

    4- Wish I had a waterproof wardrobe.

    Cuidate Mujer. BB2U

  10. Hehehe, too funny!

  11. That’s awesome! I’m pretty sure that’s what my husband does LOL

  12. Love this post! I’ve done all those things you listed…

  13. LOVE YOUR POST!!!! LOL! You are a woman after my own heart.

    I was just coming by to bring some alexa love. Please stop by and leave some alexa love. I need it!

  14. I probably “cheat” by taking some time for myself while the kids are napping. I should be cleaning, but I just speed through it a little later. 🙂 This momma needs some down time in her day!

  15. says

    Don’t forget to spend quality time with the cat. Shove it under the hard to reach crevices to get those nasty dust bunnies.

  16. Marinda Grindstaff says

    My favorite cleaning tip is let the dog into the kitchen after the grandsons eat to clean up the mess on the floor.

  17. Well, that’s excellent advice. I do most of that already. Love it!

  18. You’re killing me with #5! I now have a purpose for all those fluffy socks I got for Christmas!

  19. Can you come over and clean my house,lol! It is a disaster now! What great advise. Thanks for sharing!

  20. Bahahaha! I like how you consolidate everything, very clever 😉

  21. LMAO I love this! This is the kind of cleaning I do when I find out company is on their way over with no notice.

  22. This is funny and something I probably will have to try while I go back to school for the rest of the year.

  23. This is so funny, I like it doesn’t have to be clean, it just has to look clean! teehee

  24. Haha – this is my kind of cleaning!

  25. lol I’ve done my share of pretending to clean the house.

  26. What a great post. I am guilty of doing the consolidation thing with laundry and dishes.

  27. I love you and this post. There’s some great ideas too and yes, it just has to look clean! I find that if I stay on top of the laundry, all else is forgiven. But I like the bathroom wet paper towel trick!

  28. Really cute post and thanks for the tips. 🙂


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