How To: Pretend You’re Cleaning & Make It Look Good

My How To Guide

Pretend You’re Cleaning And Make It Look Good

If you’re anything like me, you’d rather work on evening out the grooves in your couch while watching bad Reality TV than do housework. What? It’s good exercise for your butt, right? Grandpa Juice and I usually distribute housework very evenly. <I’m really trying to say this without laughing> Meaning, I scrub the toilets and throw the laundry in and he does… well, the rest of course. That’s even Steven to me. While I’m flattening the couch, my inner Martha Stewart goes *TSK *TSK and my grandmother’s voice is screaming in my head “Will you just LOOK at those dishes at least?” No. No, I won’t.

Just recently, I learned that I didn’t ACTUALLY have to clean the house. I could pretend I’m cleaning as long as I could make it look good! I know!! It was an amazing discovery! I can now do all the napping, lounging and shopping online I want all day and still have Grandpa Juice think I’m just the bestest wifey ever! I have come up with a fail proof plan and I’m going to share it with all of you, my favorite Juicers.

How To Pretend You’re Cleaning And Make It Look Good – by Grandma Juice

Step 1: Consolidate The Laundry – Let’s say for example, you have two baskets of clean laundry waiting to be folded. Simply squish them all into one basket! See? Now you have only one basket left to do.

Step 2: Wet Paper Towel Bathroom Cleaning – Cleaning the bathroom is THE worst job EVER. Since this is actually my job, I can say this with authority. It sucks! Now, it sucks less. First you push all products to one side of the counter. Quickly, run a wet paper towel down the other side. Then repeat the quick swipe with wet paper towel on the toilet. TADA! *Reminder – it doesn’t have to BE clean, it needs to LOOK clean.

Step 3: Consolidate The Dishes – This is probably the easiest step! If your kitchen counter is strewn with nearly every dish, pot, pan and glass in the house. STACK THEM UP! Instant de-clutter of counters. Kitchen much more spiffy.

Step 4: Consolidate The Clutter – Now that you have that one empty laundry basket, take a quick trip through the living room, den and maybe one bedroom. Pick up random toys, a few socks, the empty Cheetos bag you had for lunch, and don’t forget that ugly holey shirt your husband refuses to throw away. Place them in the empty basket. Shove the basket into the back of your closet. SEE!! Clutter free.

Step 5: Swiff Clean The Kitchen Floor – Wearing only a sock, take a good swiff around the kitchen floor collecting as many crumbs and dropped Cheetos from your lunch as you can. Push it under the fridge. Dust the remaining crumbles off your sock and onto the floor and sweep those under the fridge with you hand. You can’t lay back on the couch with crumblies on your sock. It’s bad form.

That concludes Grandma Juice’s lesson for the day on How To Pretend You’re Cleaning And make It Look Good.

*PS: – If you’d like to earn brownie points, you can try this. If any small children are home, have them watch at the window for your spouse to pull up. Quickly run to the kitchen and pretend that you’ve just started cooking dinner. It will make you look even more productive. And, since said spouse hates your cooking, they will likely take over anyways.

**PPS: – Shut up Martha Stewart.

**PPPS: – Sorry Grandma.

Do you have any ‘How To Pretend You’re Cleaning’ tips? I’m all ears!