How To Stop A Bully Victims Fight Back & This Time, It’s Personal

Bully Victims Fight Back

How To Stop A Bully – Victims Fight Back & This Time, It’s Personal

We’re stepping away from the funny this post and diving into the serious. Should bully victims fight back? We did. We had to. Here’s why….

See that sweet, sleeping face up there? That’s Ethan. Notice the hat on his head, the papers covering him and the fact that he’s on the couch and not his bed? That’s what happens when you’re the victim of a bully. At least that’s what has happened to Ethan. The hat, it’s to help keep out the recurring thoughts of the bullies hurtful words. Those papers have writing on them. See it? They say (In his own spelling so I’ll translate for you) Candy, A Whopper, My Family, Halloween. His ‘Happy Thoughts’… to hopefully chase away the bad ones that he can’t get out of his head if the hat fails. There’s nothing he can do to get the hitting, biting and *bad touching* undone. Kind of sad and pathetic, isn’t it? This is exactly when bully victims fight back!

Ethan has some quirks. OCD among them. Which means all these hurtful words come back again, and again, and again, as intrusive and obsessive. He simply can’t ‘just stop’ thinking about it. And really, when someone tells a 6 year old that the devil watches you while you sleep so he can cut your head off and leave it on the porch for your family to find, it’s probably scary anyways. Add to that getting hit, bit and ‘punched and grabbed in my privates’… repeatedly. On a school bus. Which is a small, enclosed space. There’s only so much one can take. Stand up! Stop A Bully, Victims Fight Back!

KIDS AT RISK – Stop A Bully Victims Fight Back

No single factor puts a child at risk of being bullied or bullying others. Bullying can happen anywhere—cities, suburbs, or rural towns. Depending on the environment, some groups—such as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgendered (LGBT) youthyouth with disabilities, and socially isolated youth—may be at an increased risk of being bullied. He/she has been bullied by siblings or other relatives.
(Ethan falls into the kids with disabilities in this scenario)

We started out talking directly to the bully’s mom. Rather than take a ‘bully victims fight back‘ route. After all, they are 6. Boys will be boys and all. It was just some poking, jabbing. Maybe Ethan didn’t understand rough play as we don’t do that at home. We hoped that would work. ‘Bully Mom’ and I were chatty at the bus stop. We could chit chat mom to mom, right? No, that was the exact wrong thing to do in this case. Turns out, this boys home life is not so happy. His dad is a bit of a tyrant. Mom is pretty submissive and not even allowed to drive. The kids are exposed to dad being a bully and mistreating his family. Clearly, we’ve uncovered the problem. But as bad as I felt knowing the child would likely be in some pretty hot water at home, I still needed my kid safe and assumed this would be the end of it. That made it worse, actually. Then the biting and ‘grabbing those private parts’ started happening and I was done.

stop bully victim fights back

We asked the bus driver to separate the boys.  And he did for a short ‘time out’. He seems pretty strict so I was surprised it was even able to continue on the bus like it did. Ethan loves school. Always has. He couldn’t wait to be at school everyday. And, like a little sponge, he soaked it all up and despite his quirks and issues, he’s way above average in his mad school skills. He’s one of the ‘smart kids’. He started arguing every morning about getting up. Pretending he was sick. Saying he hates school. All clearly not really true at all. He simply didn’t want to be on the bus. And, driving him daily is not an option. Nor, should we have to resort to that, do you think? Should bully victims fight back and how exactly do you do that without physical attacks? Without resorting to the same hurtful words the bully uses?

HELPING YOUR CHILDREN – Stop A Bully Victims Fight Back

Your child may be a victim of bullying if:

  • Your child fears going to school.
  • Your child has been out sick a lot or frequently complains of illness.
  • Your child comes home from school with cuts, bruises or damaged clothing, etc.
  • Your child has trouble sleeping or frequent bad dreams.
  • Your child looses interest in schoolwork, activities or suddenly begins to do poorly in school.
  • Your child displays unusual changes in temperament such as sudden moodiness, anger, sadness or depression, especially after coming home from school.
  • Your child avoids social situations, particularly in less structured or unsupervised settings.
  • Your child talks about other kids not liking him/her or mentions wanting to get back at another child.

After many calls to the school principal that went unanswered, we finally marched in there the other day. Sat down and waited a good hour for the principal to come out and talk with us. We had a really great chat once we got the face to face audience. She stated the zero tolerance policy and wrote up an official report.  She admitted to knowing the bully in question and having some issues prior. I did feel a bit guilty, wondering what would now happen to the boy at home. Ya know what? My concern is helping Ethan. Feel safe, be happy and return to the kid who loves school and learning. I think our talk with her was effective. At least so far. Ethan says the two boys are now not allowed to sit anywhere near each other on the school bus. It’s awkward at the bus stop, for sure. But that’s not really my problem. And, I guess we should consider ourselves lucky that the school here cares. And, does intervene so bully victims don’t need to fight back with no results. 

Right now, we’re trying to deal with the after effects of bullying. You see the get up Ethan’s taken to wearing now just to sleep. He’s afraid of everything. There’s always something ‘scary’ lurking. In the dark, around the corner. Even his favorite cartoons are no longer safe. He’s decided QVC (The Jewelry Show) and the Tennis Channel are what he can watch, safely. I know this is directly a result of his doom and gloom obsessive thought process, but damn that kid’s dad for acting like an ass! He’s horrible treatment of his family is affecting more people than those who live in his home.

Is it wrong that this bully victims fight back preferred method would be to go over there and give him a swift kick in the ass? Have you had a personal experience with a bully? What did you do?


  1. Bulling needs to stop too many kids are getting hurt….

  2. I love this my daughter was bullied so bad for 8 years I finally pulled her out of school

  3. My heart hurts for Ethan. You really need to get him a hamsa.

  4. Both of my children were bullied in school. It’s an absolutely horrible thing to have happen and I truly hope that some day it stops.

  5. I hate that Ethan is going through this and at such a young age. My thoughts are that parents need to do whatever possible to protect their kids.

  6. That is TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. It makes me so sad that bullying is such a huge epidemic these days. It seems like kids start getting bullied (or bullying) earlier and earlier.

  8. April Laxton says

    after reading this I am just heartbroken, not only for Ethan but also for the other boy as well, the other boys dad needs to be…well n/m I think we all feel the same as to what should happen there but if it wasn’t for that kids Dad then all this horrible bullying and aftermath most likely would not have occurred, I have to quit typing, I really can’t think straight after reading this story, I am literally fighting back tears…. so sorry this happened to the poor little guy.

  9. My oldest son went through bullying, I did talk to the mother she did not care, said boys will be boys, spoke to teacher and principle and they acted like my son was the issue. See he has ADHD, a bit of OCD and now depression and was not on medication until the second grade due to me trying other things before medicating. These boys who bullied him were in his class and bus every year (they lived down the street from us and were brothers) and I had to monitor my son because of them kindergarten through 5th grade (we moved away)! I finally had it with them and move him to another school his last year of elementary school. I gave my son all the options of what we could do and he wanted a new school and fresh start, I had him in counseling for this as well because he would turn his hurt and anger on myself and my two younger sons. Happy to say he is in 6th, we are in a new state and fresh start for him and everyone wants to be his friend :). I am sorry Ethan is going through that it is awful to watch a child you love go through this and it seems the system doesn’t care.

  10. Giant hugs and prayers for you and Ethan- and for the other family too. You did the right thing; I would have gone all Crazy Cubana. Maybe child services should be called for the other child? Please let Ethan know there are so many people out in computerland who love him that the Devil wouldn’t dare get close to him! BB2U

  11. Gina Brickell says

    Isn’t that so sad?? I worry about my son having the same issues when he gets older.. They labeled him as having aspergers and he is different than the other kids.. Not too big of a deal now because he is in kindergarten, but fearful in the next couple of years he will deal with the same. Brings tears to my eyes..

  12. I’m so sorry to hear this story. It sounds like you are taking the right steps. I’ll be thinking about him and hope these hurts heal quickly.

  13. Thank you for writing this and bringing attention to such a prevelant issue with children. Dealing with the root cause of the bullying and caring for the child who now has to suffer with the repercussions of being bullied need to be addressed. My heart goes out to Ethan! As a parent/guardian, we have to have our children’s needs and safety ahead of others.

  14. We had the same problem with my daughter and a bully. We tried talking to the parents but they had an attitude of “Boys will be boys.” The school tried to help but since they were our neighbors, we still had incidents at home. It got so bad we finally pulled her out of school and homeschooled her for three years. I hope Ethan’s hurts heal quickly.

  15. I was bullied on the bus. I hope Ethan can love school again. I’m so sad that this happened to him.

  16. Oh my gosh–poor Ethan–breaks my heart that children are so mean to one another and to see him sleeping in his hat with his happy words–you are doing the very best you can in being an advocate–don’t stop and don’t second guess yourself EVER–I know you feel for the “bullying boy” in some way as he is a product of his environment, but you have your sweetie pie to worry about front and center-glad you marched into the school How dare they NOT return your calls!!! the nerve! I am happy you got your meeting and results that followed. I’m sure that there are counselers that deal with this type of issue= perhaps you can get Ethan to start talking to one of them–
    best of luck–I am sure this was a very hard post to write–thank you for sharing it to bring attention to the issue and let others know they are not alone.

  17. Great post, I agree bullying needs to stop. I know a few years back when I was in school it was pretty hard, but now a days it is WAY worse. . plus kids in bigger schools I guess just feel more powerful. 🙁 it is sad and with this post maybe it will reach enough people kids will see it or they will talk to them and we can stop this before anyone else gets hurt.

  18. I was bullied as child and never felt safe. The kids in question even broke into our house. We know it was them because they taunted us with our things. My mom was too submissive after getting out of an abusive relationship to do much. The parents ofthe kids didn’t care any way. We were all latch key kids. It breaks my heart and still causes pain at times. You are doing the right thing. Keep fighting for that little boy. He deserves to feel safe!

  19. It’s heartbreaking anytime I read a story like this. I’ve always been worried about this with my son and I’ve learned to not hesitate to bring light to the situation. I hope your little one finds peace soon.

  20. I’m glad the Principal wrote up a report! Sorry your little guy has to go through all of this. :/

  21. That’s just heartbreaking that he’s had to endure that. i feel pity for the other child as well because of his home life, but hopefully the school can get Social Services involved. Many prayers for Ethan (and his bully) that peace can be found and he won’t be afraid any more. I think you did exactly the right thing……thanks for standing up!

  22. Stories like these make me rethink sending my kids to school as opposed to homeschooling. I was teased all the time as a kid and it is my hope that my kids never have to go through the same thing. Is there more bullying in the world now or are we just aware of it more?

  23. I’m so grateful that they finally did something on the bus to keep the bullying from happening over and over and over again. But you are right, the after effects are long standing. it won’t just go away. You will sadly have a long road ahead helping that sweet little boy overcome such a horrible event that never should have happened. Kudos to you for standing up and not accepting no action for your little guy.

  24. That just breaks my heart. I wish my kids didn’t have to ride the bus. So much bullying happens on it.

  25. I am so sorry the Bullying has truly had a lasting impact on Ethan. I hope that his hat and good thought papers help him to overcome the trauma the other boy inflicted on him.

  26. Your grandson is adorable, and it’s so sad to see pictures like this. To know that these kids who are bullying are sometimes learning it at home is bad, too. I wish that people would teach their children to be NICE. I’m pretty sure that nice is a foreign concept these days.
    Bullies need to be stopped, and that starts at home!

  27. So sorry about the bullying. I think its disgusting that bullying occurs like this. I know what its like from middle school to want to avoid other people or certain situations because people are picking on you. I never said anything back to the bullies and looking back on it I wish I would have said something. I hope things get better 🙂

  28. I was bullied as a child by not only kids at school, but I felt at home as well at times. I always felt so alone. 🙁

  29. So sad. Awww…I just want to hug him.

  30. That is Terrible! Where are the parents of those children? Thanks for sharing

  31. This is just so terrible! Thank you for this great tips. I hope my own will not need to deal with it. They are still 3 and 4 right now so I still will have to know what will happen when they start primary one and up. Will watch for the signs.

  32. my heart just breaks for your son. it should be talked about in every classroom. every child has the right to feel safe at school! give ethan a big hug from me!

  33. Karen Glatt says

    I am totally against bullying of any kind. I was a victim of bullying and nothing was ever done! I am so glad that you went to the school and got help for Ethan! It is so wrong to bully any child. I know that we are sad for the bully because of his home life, but someone outside the home has to put a stop to it! I am glad that you took a stand for your child!

  34. I am so sad for Ethan and I am so glad that he has a mom such as yourself to be there for him and protect him! I can’t imagine being a bully to my own child. No child should have to endure bullying, ever!! Unfortunately it seems to be happening more and more often. I, myself, have just gotten through the first year with our first child, and I have no clue what I would do given a bullying situation. I truly hope that we never encounter this problem. I’ve actually been tempted to homeschool because of the bullying problems at school. We shall see. In the mean time, I hope things have improved for Ethan, and I’m sorry that you guys have had endure that.

  35. So sorry that he had to go through that but very glad that he had you to stick up for him. We had a situation with a bully and our middle son and our school handled it promptly and it stopped happening, thank goodness.

  36. My son was bullied. I really feel for your son. We have been through all this! My son is under a therapy now! Bully victims should fight back but not in the same way as they were bullied. Action needs to be taken and unfortunately school doesn’t help much! The therapist says: stand for yourself. Hugs and prayers for you son!!

  37. Thank you so much for sharing this. As Parents we need to support one another and I think you did the right thing! This is something I worry about as the parent to 2 young children. We need to be standing up to this and I applaud you for doing so!

  38. Donna Cheatle says

    So many kids are being bullied today, it’s more of an epidemic than it ever was. It needs to be treated like a contagious disease in our schools. Any parent, teacher, aide, administrator, adult or child that sees or hears it needs to stand up and be heard. It’s time that the power is taken away from the bullies and given back to the adults, and that HAS to start with the adults. We need to stop being worried about offending or hurting the feelings of another adult. The kids need us to step up and fight this war

  39. So sorry for Ethan, and sorry for his loved ones who are hurting, too. It’s terrible how we humans can treat each other. Luckily for Ethan, he’s got you in his corner.

  40. kimberly bhatti says

    Kids can be mean..last year my daughter started junior high and was bullied the first couple days of school. She absolutely hated going to school.. her behavior changed at home also. She didn’t tell the teachers because she thought it would be “tattling” and she didn;t want to cause drama. I told her it will continue if we do not let the teachers know. I wrote a note to the teacher and the teacher handled everything thankfully. Now my son is 5 and just started kindergarten.. i worry about him being bullied also. Its tough being a parent – you are doing great with Ethan and you did the right thing. My heart breaks for him though because i see my own son in him. I hope things get better for him.

  41. Stevie Nanstad says

    How horrible. The second I would of heard about it my son would of been done riding the bus. Bullies are horrible and usually the bullies parents are no better.

  42. How sad!

  43. Cassandra S says

    I am glad that you stood up! Bully victims need to be heard and “fight back” It is sad to hear of these stories, because it does truly happen alot…I pray that it gets better.

  44. Oh this makes me so sick. It has always been where we’ve had bullies but it has grown so much bigger these days. Makes me think it’s a great thing some are home schooled. Every school needs programs for bullying and consequences need to happen to those who bully others. Something can and should be done to stop this and I know there are many programs out there working on it. Glad to see you were so supportive and there for Ethan.

  45. Veronica R says

    Thank you for sharing! I think bullying happens way too often and even though our school district has a zero tolerance policy against it I actually don’t think they enforce it. I really wish I could home school. Glad you caught it and were able to address the situation with the school and the bully.

  46. I don’t understand how (some) teachers and parents can turn a blind eye to bullying and call it “natural.”

  47. Leslie Galloway says

    I’m so sad that he’s having a rough time. It’s ridiculous how mean children can be to one another. I hope things have made a turn for the better since you posted this. At least you’ve given him ways to help him cope. Those are life skills.

  48. Rachael Henzman says

    It’s awful that he is so affected by it! I was bullied a lot as a child and I wish my parents would have taken action like this.. I think you did the right thing!

  49. I was bullied in grade school and it was HORRIBLE. Of course, that was like 30 years ago, so no one cared and no one thought it was an issue. It was horrible. And I was in a Catholic school. At lunchtime, I would stay in the classroom with the teacher because I couldn’t bear to deal with the harassment and bullying in the schoolyard. What a nightmare it was.I hope things turn around. *hugs*

  50. Tara Gauthier says

    We just had a discussion about this (husband and I) our son has been bullied by kids here in our complex and other neighbours have witnessed things that have warranted the RCMP being called. We have dealt with mom (lost cause) they stopped bugging our son but we are registering our daughter in school and these kids go to her school. If they do anything trust me, there will be zero tolerance. I know that the mom is abusing her kids and the ministry is involved.

  51. I’m sorry he had to go through all that. Bullying needs to stop…

  52. We took out a restraining order against the bully and he is not allowed to come within 100 yards of my son. I know other families who have gone this route as well and because of the restraining order were able to have the bully switched to a different mode of transportation and a different classroom.