What Happens To Grandma Juice on Spring Break…

Spring Break

What Happens To Grandma Juice on Spring Break… 

***Originally Posted On 4/11***

SHeeeeaaa!! It’s Spring break suckers!

In my ever extended quest for fancy papers to hang on my wall, higher learning and the ability to out psychobabble the best of them (and believe you me, I can psychobabble like no one’s fucking business!) I am still (and probably always will be, damn my stubbornness!) technically a ‘college student’… Yep! Me, the fucking coolest grandma EVER, still (and probably forever) achieving higher learning?! Truth: I do it for the student loan money… if Uncle Sam can borrow my kid, I can take some of his cash… Suck on that Uncle Sam! So for us college kids, there’s great traditions, history and roots of ‘Spring Break’ which must strictly be adhered to. Who am I to completely ruin such tradition and try to change history?

So, guess what Grand Juice did?

After having to send Army Man back to Hawaii , I was kinda bummed and figured I deserved a break. Especially considering #1 Dog has cancer, Teen Mom is dragging us back to court, 4 year old puked on me not once but twice (the 2nd time while I was SLEEPING!!!) and what should have been my dad’s 64th birthday came and went and he wasn’t here to see it because of the fucking cancer thing (someday, I will be able to tell this… sigh) Those are valid reasons, right? So… here’s what happened on spring break!

First, I did a little something like this:

Just without a small child and no scissors!

Just without a small child and no scissors!

I did not use this child, he has scissors!

Then, after dumping out all my drawers and emptying my closet, I discovered I had nothing appropriate to wear for my trek into the drunk, rocking good time that brings shame to parents everywhere. (which totally doesn’t apply to me because my goal is to bring shame to my children) So, I went a purchased a few of these:

Sexy right?!

Which one do you think made my ass look the best?

So… after MUCH deliberating over where exactly we should spend our drunk trek into spring break. We chose this hot spot!


Because, OBVIOUSLY!!!! Jealous yet? Don’t ask how much this costs, it’s ridonkulous! We lubed up with hot tanning oils that smelled intoxicating. Imagine coconut milk, tequila, and a hint of fluffy pink umbrella drinks with cherries stuck to the pointy ends….

We gathered up all our “must embarrass the children courage” *read here – MANY shots of Patron* and made our way down to that stunningly beautimous pool. We mixed, mingled and met the most crazy, hot, weird, much too young interesting people too! So far, spring break rocked, right?

We quickly discovered however, that after sucking down all those liquor filled but sweet tropical drinks and completely ignoring your surroundings that beautiful, serene spot quickly ends up looking like this:

Drunk sardines

I’m offering $100 to the first person to pick me out in this crowd!!! Ready… set…. GO!

The rest of the trip is kind of a blur. I have LOTS of pictures but since I have no fucking clue who most of the naked people in them actually are… I can’t show you. Sorry… Maybe I can call the dude from Girls Gone Wild and sell some of them off and help recoup some of the mad cash we blew here! (always hustling and thinking ahead!)

Sadly, we had to return home because the 4 yr olds other grandparents time with him was up. We are just hoping none of the crazy, fucked up, hot, weird, much too young interesting people we met came home with these:

Crabs… EEEWW!

Because that is one memory you do NOT want to carry around after spring break! (or so I’ve been told)

And then I woke up….

Next month, grandpa the superhero firefighter/paramedic and I are going to Vegas for a slot tournament where we plan on winning the $10,000 grand prize too! We will make everyone proud, and pull out our inner Charlie Sheen (minus the hookers and blow) and party like total #winning rock stars who have #tigerblood running though or veins… We won’t however go so far as to start our own Ustream videos just to further embarrass our children. Because really… that’s just CRAZY! #DUH … and then, all my hard earned fancy psych papers won’t be useful for anything… well… other than wiping the 4 year olds ass….

Wish us luck!

What Did YOU Do On Spring Break?


  1. I just love you. Seriously love you. OK, which hottie are you in that sardine tank?

    Did I tell you I’m going to Cabo in a couple months? You’ve inspired me…

    Winks and tickles!

  2. OH! SO JEALOUS! (not about the student part…but the spring break part!) And I totally picked you out in that picture – that’s you passed out behind the guy holding his hand up – I think that’s a patron shot glass dangling lazily in your hand, right? But is that g.pa juice or the cabana boy rubbing oil on you????

  3. wow sounds like one heck of a spring break! eww to that crab lol

  4. Did you win big money in Vegas?

  5. I love crabs. The kind on the beach. Not the other kind. Also, I was a college student until I was crazy old, too! Holla!


  6. Spring break – such great memories! I spent mine in Mazatlan after taking a 24 hour Mexican train ride to get there – oh the stories I could tell.

  7. Sounds like a drunken good time 🙂

  8. You are cracking me up! I never got into the spring break party thing…but it does sound fun!!!

  9. I don’t think I’ve ever been away on spring break, but that looks like a good time! … and eww about the crabs! lol

  10. So, did you win the slot tournament? Inquiring minds and all. This post was hilarious. I am a perpetual college student (although I’m taking a break right now). I have more than enough credits to earn probably a few degrees, but none of them are in the same subject, so alas, still no degree for me. I have to stop changing my mind! I went from Secondary Ed to Journalism to Gen Ed (they were going to throw me out if I didn’t either change majors or finish the one I was enrolled in, and the class I needed wasn’t available that semester) to communications to nursing student. Someday I’ll finish one of those!

  11. Wow, I can’t believe I know someone who actually went to a location like that. I mean, seriously that is seriously so amazing! I’ve love to visit a place like that! Ronni, you also just crack me up all the time!

  12. Can I just tell you how jealous I am? Like seriously…so envious.

  13. HAHAHAHA that is too funny!! great post and great way to start a Tuesday!!

  14. I heart Spring Break and this post definitely made me laugh. Thanks for sharing!

  15. lifeaccordingtoamanda says

    Haha! Thanks for the great post! I wish my spring break was anywhere near as adventurous!

  16. I need to party with you STAT…

  17. Sounds like a fabulous time! I love the bikinis, the first one is my favorite. Best of luck at the slot tournament in Vegas!

  18. the picture of the little boy made me giggle

  19. I love this post and do want to resemble some parts of it – immediately. Parts like, Spring break at this hot spot and sweet yet intoxicating drinks and trip to Vegas for slots tournament. Woohoo! I stayed home on Spring break. #boring

    Elizabeth Rising Early, 31 Days

  20. Party!!!! I remember the days. Looks like a blast. I asked hubby about the bikini and he said that he’d need to see a pic of your axx to let you know. Lol MEN!