Random Shit – Because I Can’t Really Think of a Catchy Title

* Disclaimer – All the random shit in this post may be ranty, whiny, bitchy, rambling… who knows. Let’s see what craptastic random shit comes out of my head. Like a gumball machine without the pretty colors and wad stuck to your teeth!*

Random Shit – Because I Can’t Really Think of a Catchy Title 

I like to pretend when I disappear for a while, (Ok, 11 days now to be exact) you wait anxiously by your computer. I imagine you checking my blog multiple times an hour for an update. Refresh, refresh, refresh… Anytime now, expecting my witty words and random shit to start running across your screen.  Your fix. A small hit?  A tidbit.  A tiny bump to get you going.

That’s what I imagine my posts to be. Your daily random shit fix of “OMG, she did not just say that.” Well, I used to. Until that PR bug of PC correctness bit my ass. I’m taking a break from that today. The PR filter I mean. Not the witty words.

My mother is probably reading this now. Cringing. ‘Oh man, here she goes… this is why we can’t have nice things. Goddamnit Ronni, you were doing so well.’  Sorry mom. My inner Bloggess is scratching and crawling at my insides trying to bust through my skin. OH! Like in Alien when Sigourney Weaver has the alien baby.

Right now my mom is Googling “Bloggess.” (click that link mom, it’s a time saver)

Speaking of moms, my other grand kids are in town for the whole summer!  You may be saying to yourself, “What the hell does that have to do with moms?” Well, that means I’ll be spending tons of time with their mom! AKA my daughter. Right! You did remember! The one leading the pack, making sure my family is driving me crazy! I can’t believe it’s been exactly 1 year since I wrote that craptastic shit! A whole year since we almost killed each other! Good times, time flies, bla bla bla…

How did that happen? Let me tell you how.

I drank.  A lot. Kidding, Mom.

I drank moderately to heavily. Kidding, Mom.

I was high the entire time. Kidding, Mom. That was so 20 years ago. I totally drank! Which, isn’t necessarily a bad thing! I discovered that Chocolate Wine, so, there’s that.

Anyways, I’ve been busy doing some of that. Playing with grand kids I mean. Not drugs.

Also, I spent a good deal of time thinking about getting a lady that will come and clean my house. Like, every other week not daily or anything.  I might pretend that it’s because I’m insanely rich and don’t have time to do such silly tasks as cleaning when my time could be better spent wearing Elizabeth Taylor-like high-heeled slippers, lounging by my pool watching my very own and much too young for me (*wink, *wink) cabana boy and eating Bon-Bons. Like the version of me that stars in The Real Housewives of Las Vegas. (call me Andy Cohen) But since the truth is that I’m just an average, middle class, white chick, living not-so large in the ‘burbs with incredibly bad cleaning skills (read here – lazy) I’m not sure I can pull off all that pretending. I may give it a try, just to test myself. For research purposes, of course. And my house really does need a good cleaning. 2 birds, 1 stone.

Also, I have insomnia, so that’s awesome. This is really when all the random shit that needs a good head dumping pops up. I think it’s my ADD working over time. (post coming soon on ADD too, by the way) Ya know how I do all those nail art designs over on the other blog? Well, this isn’t 1 of those. When you wake up at 2AM and decide to go through your nail polish collection to see what awesomesauce design you’re going to crank out next and your ADD is in full swing and you’ve already drank 3 cups of coffee… this shit happens. Ignore the fact that it’s a really crappy pic, I had to take it myself. No one was awake at ass-crack o’clock to help me. Yes! Both hands look exactly like that. So, at least I kept some form of consistency.

What else? OH! I’ve been contemplating some really deep, major life changes. That’s just a cluster fuck of jumbled random shit in my head mixing together. Like, there’s not enough of that already going on. I have to go and start throwing The Meaning of Life, Why Are We Here, and for real… What The Hell Am I Doing With Myself into the pot. Yes, yes I do have a headache. If I find any answers to all that, you’ll be the 1st to know.

Anyway, with all that, the crazy heat we have here in Las Vegas and all the Paula Deen hoopla, I’m in a funk. So that’s why I haven’t posted and that’s why this post sucks.

Aren’t you glad that you just wasted 4 1/2 minutes of your life reading this stream of random shit?  I just stole 4 1/2 minutes from your life. Not take backs, sorry.

Those are my deep thoughts for the day. Happy Saturday ya’ll!

I promise to get myself together.  But for the time being I’m going to wallow in self-pity for another day or so until I have to get that very informative ADD post up. And, drown my sadness in cupcakes and wine.

Mostly wine.